Mosaic of Experiences
Everett Case's Experience
Pre Service Reflection
“Honestly, I have never been involved with an organization like the Stevens Group. I am very worried that my lack of experience will possibly cause me to feel lost”
“Our instructor Stephanie told us that many of the members love to play monopoly. As an avid monopoly player, I would love nothing better than to play some great games of monopoly over at the Stevens Center.”
“I am not sure yet what I can bring to the group”
“I do not see any potential problems for the community so far. If there are any problems ,though, I would have no idea how to identify them.”
Service Learning Journals
“When I first arrived at the Stevens Center I was very nervous. I have never done anything like this and I definitely did not want to be that guy that went in a mistakenly offended someone. The conversation was a little awkward in the first few minutes because Danielle and I were trying to feel out the kind of the things that we should talk about. As the time went on I began to feel more and more comfortable.”
“I sat next to a lady named Carol. I was sitting across from a woman named Sandy and a gentleman named Terry. Well, Carol just loved to talk about her music and dates. She may have brought up the dates of relatives of hers or how dates that I was talking to relate to her relatives over a dozen times. She also loved listening to the radio while we were talking and blurting out the person who sang a song and what year it came out and the significance mid sentence. Sandy loved to laugh. Have you ever been so tired late at night that you will laugh at almost anything? If so, then you have something in common with Sandy.”
“Peanut was all over the place during the movie. I am not bothered by people talking during movies since I always do that myself. Sandy got upset with Peanut when she was standing and talking in front of the TV screen. Peanut was not listening and ignored her as she informed me many times how she did not like my movie selection.”
“They were just happy and appreciative that I would take the time to be there.”
“I was glad that I was able to come in during Stephanie’s meeting with the Stevens group. I was able to tell how much she cares about the members of the center. As you get to know the members they all have personalities and traits of a society”
“We were then visited by a man. I still do not know his name. He came in and first let me read a petition he had jokingly written that said that Peanut was no longer allowed at the center. Peanut was not amused. He then returned again with a hateful letter directed towards his psychiatrist. He asked me to read it. I remember the letter being quite humorous as he would combine words to make fake words. I remember one word that I understood that he called him was a flim flam homosexual. I am puzzled as to what this means but I highly doubt that he meant it in a good way.”
“I feel like I have come a long way with the members. I do not want to spout of the cliché “The visits have really changed my whole perspective and I have grown because of it” line but that covers a lot of how it went for me.. My involvement with places like the Stevens Center had been nonexistent up until now. My first visit, I had had no idea what to expect. On my last I just went in and everyone seemed to be just fine because I was accepted.”
“The center is a great place for all of the members. All of their friends and all they have come to know. Outside, they may be considered to be off the norm but in their sanctuary of the center they are the norm and you are just a visitor.”
Post-Service Reflection
“My impact was not one of monumental proportions. I tried to talk to the members when they seemed to want to talk and listened when they wanted me to listen. The amount that the members wanted to talk was actually quite limited as I was more of a blockbuster rental guy than anything. A member named peanut would ask me to bring in new and scary movies each week to watch because they had gone through all the movies there. We would all sit down and watch the movies and Peanut would say things and then apologize for the rest of the movie. I had an impact of helping to provide another outlet for the members to relax and enjoy themselves.”
Marissa Folk's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"As I met with some of the members there, and some of the people who run the company, I instantly felt overwhelmed. My biggest fear is that I am going to say something that might offend someone, or might not be correct terminology. In my case, I battle internally quite often with my disability. In one aspect, I have just learned to get over the fact that I have a disability; I have the attitude of “it could be worse, so just get over it.” In another point of view, I think “God, why me, why could not I just be physically normal.”
"I am hoping to find a deeper appreciation for the word “disability,” and I use the word appreciation, because these people truly are like anyone else. I think the stereotype that society has put on us has made any human being to disregard someone who is not “normal looking.” Also, I would love a chance for me to get to know some of the “members” life’s history and background. Finally, I definitely want to learn how to appreciate the small things in life..."
"As one can see, my initial fear was offending a member, and I was very overwhelmed right from the beginning. Also, before I volunteered, I wanted to grasp a deeper appreciation for the word "disability/disabled" and as you read excerpts from my follow service journals, you will see how that has come to pass"
Service-Learning Journals
"I was expecting to sit down with the director, Stephanie, and go over a few things, instead she was like “Hey, go and hang out.” I’m thinking to myself, “hangout?? Are you kidding me?” I don’t know these people, I have no clue what is wrong with them, and I have no idea what to say. But as I walked into the main lobby, I put a smile on my face, and just went up and introduced myself to many people; it was easier than I thought."
"I have often asked what is normal?, and even though I cannot explain what is normal I first looked at these individuals as “abnormalities.” I became frustrated with the way I was first thinking, but I could not help it. The social constructions that society has placed on us are obviously inside of me and our society’s view of what is normal and acceptable does linger in my mind. Then I began reflecting this experience to my own life; I hate it when people look at me as if I am abnormal, or not right, just because of a physical impairment I have! I can always prove my ability to be “normal,” through my actions and my conversation. However these people cannot; many of them are viewed as delinquents or stupid because some of them have no way of proving their intelligence due to the fact that many cannot put sentences together. I felt very saddened by this; I cannot even begin to imagine living my life like this."
"I guess, even though my second visit was not as eventful, there were times throughout the visit that I could relate back to Mary Douglas’s fifth strategy of incorporating the anamolous into the larger, mainstream world..."
"Ultimately, the point of this volunteer work, I believe is to bring out a side of these people that too often don’t get shown. I mean seriously, I would want to commit suicide if all I was able to do was sit on a couch for 8 hours out of a day and stare at the floor. And I feel that yes, in a way, the Steven’s Center is trying to make them feel like normal individuals by having them do housework, cook, and use a computer… but if you really think about it, there is a heaviness of depression that consumes that place – I feel like they are segregated into this room with no where to turn, like there is no light aat the end of their tunnel. I guess, in some aspects, its more of a segregation than an incorporation into the mainstream world."
"Also, the issue of having no one remember my name or where I was from actually caused me to feel even more awkward. I know inwardly that they truly cannot help it, but it honestly becomes frustrating at times! I just want to scream inside. I guess I should say that I grew up with a less than patient mom. I had to get things right the first time! So, in a way, our environment shapes who we are and I believe growing up in such a demanding environment, I too have adapted that same attitude. I have patience for some things in life, but for the most part, I just get irritated. Being able to talk with sTephanie, the director, was sort of an escape for me -- and to be brutally honest, it was escape for me because I was with someone who qualifies under the cultural standards of being normal. I know that these people are just like the rest of us, they just have different ways of coping with the stress that life throws at them. Howver, that feeling of uncomfort still lingers over me when I am there -- but who is to say that that feeling will ever go away?"
"Through talking with Stephanie, it made me think back to our class discussion of "The Disabled Figure in Literature," and our discussion on "The Gap between Representation and Reality." We talked a lot about cultural assumptions about these "type of individuals." Many of these individuals are looked at as crazy, violent, lazy, dirty, unkempt, and unimportant. These people are categorized with these words based on assumptions, not experiences. I think not enough people take the time to question ifvmaybe something went terribly wrong in the past that caused them to snap -- they just assume they are lazy because they don't hold the job of a CEO! These people are looked at as a spectacle for the world to gawk at. There is no political awareness that opens American's eyes towards cognitive disabilities, infact, the media does not help either - they simply either ignore the problem or over emphazise it in a negative way."
"The difference between representation and reality can be looked at in a since of our own lifes. Each of us, as a Dickinson student, has worked so hard to get where we are at in life. Our endless nights of studying in highschool, our time consuming extra cirricular activities, and our intelligence has led us to this college. However, once we are here, no matter what our background of living environment, the hard work no longer matters because now we are a rich snutty white kid who gets everything we want. Sometimes the stigma of being a Dickinson student is impaired also -- we are represented as individuals who cry when our nails break."
"This is the same type of problem the STeven's Center members are facing. Many of them receive no credit for who they are. Many hold a job, cook food, and are some of the nicest people anyone would encounter. But because they go to a "clinic" for the mentally impaired, they are easily represented as "crazy folks with no life." Also, the only difference between some of the members and the world's non-members is this: with the blink of an eye, any one of us can snap or go crazy, for the members, they went to a psychologist or psychiatrist to get prescribed a medicine. In going to those doctors, some people automatically put the stigma that they are crazy. However, we forget to recall the millions of Americans that go to their "family doctor" for when they have a moment in their life that cuases them to snap. The family doctor is looked at as something more normal, whereas if you would go to a psychiatrist, then you are crazy. Being represented by this stigma is far too common and unending. I believe the best way to bring forth the true reality is to take steps like all of us students are taking. Visiting these people, getting to know them, and volunteering our time here is a way to break this wall, or gap, between how these members are represented among society."
"In all honesty, this was the first time I felt comfortable there because we were actually doing an activity which incorporated everyone."
"I tried not to let any political, cultural or societal assumptions sway how I felt towards these people. It was a constant battle internally with trying to make them seem normal in my head, and then feeling like they are way out of place. I don’t know exactly what strategic essentialism is, but in context with this project, I believe my viewpoint changed to a more essentialist manner. I began to value their individuality more, and not grouping them as a collective whole in a negative way, but more in a sense of community. I saw how these people interact, and who’s to say whether or not having an Easter egg hunt be fun is wrong or not. I just hope that one day everyone can see these individuals as an essential part of a community and begin to validate them as a person, not construct what they should look like based off of a societal ideal."
Post-Service Reflections
"At the end of my personal experience with this learning project, I have come to accomplish my goal -- I have found a deeper appreciation for the word "disability." Disability has numerous faces, it comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes. I have learned that disability is not something everyone is just born with...I know even I related disability to birth due to a social stigma. I think everyone is born that way because I was, however I have come to realize that with some of these individuals, it was just one catastrophic event in their life that caused them to "snap." In listening to some of these member's life stories, I have come to be grateful for my Godly upbringing. Having my mother raise me all own her own has taught me to have more compassion for the "less fortunate." But, having her strong will, and having her enstill in my a love for Christ has helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life. When we had nothing left, or when I found out I was "sick," my faith in God brought me through it all, and I believe that is what truly saved my mom and/or I from mentally "snapping." I feel so bad for some of these people who feel so utterly worthless, and I could cry when I think of how they must feel inside. However, I have learned to love, value, and respect each and everyone of them. I have also come to realize that they break down the barriers of what normative cultural really is like because I think any normal person has gone through some horrific events in there lifetime; it is just a matter of how we choose to deal with it! I have learned that disability is just a term, thrown around by people who feel superior. These members are truly not disabled in my eyes, partly because they are taking every step possible to gain that empowerment back that was stripped away from them. They are not depending on anyone else for their survival -- they are doing it all on their own, and that takes courage, an attribute that many fail to have these days. Even though I was nervous and overwhelmed at times throughout the whole service project, by the end, I became very comfortable. Thank you so much for the opportunity to allow myself to grow as a "disabled individual." I truly have learned so much from this experience."
Danielle Goonan's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"I wasn’t surprised that I became very nervous as I walked into The Steven’s Group on Thursday. Mentally disabled adults have always made me uncomfortable, which is weird because I spent many summers working with mentally disabled children. Maybe it is because whether or not a child has a disability, they always need to be taken care of or helped. However, it is hard for one to fathom an adult who may not be able to “fully function” or need help taking care of themselves (I have a similar fear of nursing homes, maybe there’s a connection). I am extremely happy I will be doing my service at The Steven’s Group because this experience will hopefully help me overcome my fear."
Service-Learning Journals
"When I first entered the center I was nervous. I was unsure of how the members would react to our presence their and how I would react to the things they said and did. Surprisingly, once I introduced myself and started speaking to Dandy and Carol I began to feel more comfortable. I didn’t even realize it until after I left, but I was comfortable for most of my time there. The members really enjoyed our presence and I was happy to get to know them. When I first sat down to talk, I was doing it because I had to, however, after a little while it was something I wanted to be doing. I hope to get used to the fact that some of the members will say things that aren’t socially acceptable or will repeat the same thing many times. I feel that my goal of becoming comfortable around adults with disabilities will be accomplished by the time this service project is over. I also hope to continue doing service at The Steven’s Center for my Bonner hours. I really feel that this can make a difference in the Dickinson community because no one from Dickinson does regular service there (which I find very upsetting). I already spoke to Bonner, my community service organization, and the director the Office of Religious Life and Community Service. He wants to meet with Stephanie, the director, and hopefully add The Steven’s Group to our lists of partners. I would be very excited if my fellow students and I could be the beginning of a withstanding relationship with the group."
"I was comfortable the whole time I was at the center this week which I am very happy with. However, it was harder to deal with the residents. Peanut reminded me of a child that couldn’t sit through something they weren’t enjoying. Her constant interruptions were annoying everyone else in the room, especially Sandy and other members that joined our viewing later on in the afternoon. Instead of leaving the room, she stood in front of the TV. and spoke about other movies or blurted out random things (i.e. “Do you like my pink pants?”). I was getting frustrated trying to explain to her that everyone else was trying to watch the movie. I left the room thinking she just wanted to have someone to talk to, but she didn’t follow. So after a few minutes of walking around, I went back into the movie. I don’t want to blame everything the members do wrong on their disability because I feel that makes them seem “less” than they are, but in some cases, I can’t help to think that if she was society’s definition of “normal” she have done that. It’s hard to distinguish what is the right way to perceive them and their disability from the wrong way. Of maybe, we are not supposed to even do that. Maybe we are supposed to take people for what they are and do our best to adjust."
"I was really happy to be back at the Steven’s group. I had expressed my happiness to members of my service organizations and I am receiving emails with other students who would love to do service there which makes me very happy. I am really happy that the members remember my name and look forward to my visit each week. I was a little uneasy towards the end of my visit because Peanut was speaking with me about a male member she was not too fond of. When I tried to explain to her that he said the petition was only a joke, she became unhappy with me and asked me if I was taking his side. I tried to explain that I wasn’t but she just kept questioning my loyalty. I feel that the center is a place where I am also able to “let my hair down” and be myself because the members aren’t judging you. Peanut and I were dancing by ourselves in the front of the main room and no one found this strange. If I ever did something like this outside of the center people would think I had something wrong with me. I definitely feel less societal pressure while being at the center."
"I am really touched that the members enjoy the time I spend with them. It makes me feel really good that they remember my name and much of what we have talked about in the past even though I am only there once a week for two hours. I have grown very attached to the members and look forward to going to the center every week. I noticed that the members try hard to please the college students, which bothers me. Every time I play cards with Carol she thanks me several times; I always thank her for asking me to play. Also, whenever Peanut makes a comment that she believes upsets Everett or I (which never happens) she apologizes profusely. This may have to do with the fact that they rarely get visitors and are scared we might stop coming. Or maybe they have been so misunderstood in the past that they try hard to please others."
Post-Service Reflections
Alex Hallman's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
I was very apprehensive about going to work at the Stevens Center. I had a general sense of the disabilities the members there had but did not know to what extent and how each of the members dealt with their disabilites. Orientation did not ease any of my anxieties. Some of the members repeat themselves over and over, fixate on certain themes, or just expect you to have the same hobbies and interests as they do so certainly you won't mind of they keep up to the second on their projects. The hardest thing for me would be to not become frustrated. But then I found out that our primary purpose was to just spend time with them. Two hours per week for four weeks. I can do that. It's not something I would go out and do on my own, but that was the purpose of the service learning, get out and do some hands on things that you probably wouldn't normally do.
Service-Learning Journals
"The first visit was awkward, as were the other three. It's something I could never shake. It really made me thing about Italic textExtraordinary BodiesItalic text and how the abnormal body serves as a method for the normal body to define itself. I felt like the service learning was a way for us, or me in this case, to take time out and reflect on our lives, bodies, and experience. I don't think that was the point, but it made me think. I could have just as easily been one of them. But I'm not through no great actions on my own part. The first visit made me count my blessings."
"The next three vistis were pretty much repeats of the first. We would just hang out with however was there that day. One of the members, Peanut, asked if someone could bring a movie, so the three visits were pretty much us watching a movie. The awkwardness was still there, and I was thinking about how easily things could have been different. The more time I spent there, though, the more the place seemed like a daycare center. Members would wake up at their respective homes, go down to the Stevens Center when it opened at eight and go back home when it closed at three. That place serves as a care center. This, for me, reenforced the assumption I had of the members as children. I thought going in that they thought and acted like children. It doesn't have any meaning, but it was something I observed. So thats how we spent those visits, hanging out and watching movies. It wasn't void of effort, it's what happened."
Post-Service Reflections
"The whole experience was awkward. I never would have done anything like that on my own, and probably never will. It has taught me people with these disabilities are people and have their own assumptions about us. Proving assumptions about one another wrong, I think, was the best thing that came out of this service learning and the other service learning projects that have gone on at the Stevens Center. The experience did get me thinking about my own life and how I would feel if I were in their situation, disabled and a member at the Center. It would be nice to have a place to go to that would help break up the day, teach me some skills I could use in my own life, get a bite three days a week, and be among people that are going through what I am. But how would I feel when the college kids showed up? I, personally, would not like that. Chances are I would have been to countless doctors for innumberable appointments, poked and checked, and felt like I was a learning tool for some quack. Now my sancturay is being invaded and I am again made a freak put on display to help these kids feel better about themselves just like Garland-Thomson said. The service learning really made me think and put me in their shoes, if only for eight hours. I am more private person, and would not want my ailments on display for all to see, but for them they might not see it that way. They may just take it as an oppurtunity to interact with other people. If any does not like it, of course, they just don't come in that day. Overall, I think it was a somewhat positive experience. I don't think I had a life-alterating impact on anyone. I just hope they enjoyed themselves for the time I was there. It has taught me that there are agencies that are trying to help people with some problems. And that's a good thing. It's nice to see people show initiative and help their fellow man on their own, instead of waiting for someone else or the government to start an inefficient program or something. The Center is a better alternative to just locking these people up in a state hospital. They aren't dangerous, they just need a helping hand."
Eli Uhle's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
Service-Learning Journals
"When I first arrived and met the member who does maintenance, it was unclear to me whether or not he was a ‘non-disabled’ person like the supervisor, or a member of the organization. Conversation with him was completely fluid and comfortable. There was no mention of disabilities, other than his joking about some of his friends’. I found this to be true of the community the entire morning. When I would introduce myself, the other person was coherent and partook in conversation, making interaction reasonably easy, instead of awkward or forced. Some of the members introduced themselves; others seemed less interested in our presence. The people who did talk, however, were usually quite talkative, setting me at ease. There were certainly a few uneasy moments, conversation would stop and I wouldn’t know what to do. It’s also tricky because you’re not sure whether or not to ask them about their past, or present family/social/job situation. But during the monopoly game things felt fine. We could joke with the members about luck and money, sometimes even competitively. It was fun, and beneficial to see that these people with “disabilities” were in all honesty, not that different from us."
"However, while being alone certainly did not kill me, it was definitely a far more dynamic experience in terms of learning. This is not to say that the morning was a breeze. Now that I’ve been twice, I honestly think the most awkward parts are the arriving and the leaving. I was certainly scared when the members started arriving, worried about what to talk about, how it would go, etc. Not everyone remembers you, and so it plunges you back into feeling “out of place,” particularly as we now have to wear nametags. So there were certainly moments of the morning when I felt confused, or uncomfortable. The first people who came this morning, none of whom I knew, didn’t particularly seem interested in conversing with me. This forced me to cling to the artist who didn’t appear to mind my feeble attempts at inclusion, probably coming off as a stream of badgering and questioning. But the truly surprising thing was that mid-morning, or at least by the end, I was at ease. I wasn’t completely “at home” per se, but I wasn’t so extremely uncomfortable that I was consciously aware of it, or checking my watch every two minutes. It just became a conversation between myself and the others."
"For some reason, I felt really uncomfortable there this morning. I don’t know why exactly, for nothing really remarkable or disturbing happened. The whole atmosphere seemed different though. Everyone was really tired, people weren’t as talkative or outlandish as at other times. I suppose this community is not unlike any other group of people; the dynamics change each day. Anyways, there were a mixture of moments of ‘normalcy’ and awkwardness. The girl who was crocheting told Lauren and I that we should wake up the sleeping man (no sleeping allowed), because he wasn’t listening to her. Well, obviously I was not comfortable doing that, even if he was breaking the rules, I didn’t feel it was my place to enforce them. I also noticed that the senior woman who is usually in charge was not as together today as I’m used to seeing. This was a bit strange to watch."
"She said that the atmosphere at the center is actually really positive, as most of the folks who attend are already high functioning, which is why at certain times, I have no idea why some of the people are here because their “disabilities” do not define them. Which I guess is good because it means that us as students are helping dissipate their notions about Dickinson students (people actually wanted to talk this morning), and they are changing our minds about what it means to have a disability."
Post-Service Reflections
"I’m not sure to what extent, or even how I impacted the people at the Steven’s Center. It’s difficult to evaluate my contributions when recognition and feedback from the people I interacted with was minimal at times. First and foremost I hope that I helped changed some stereotypes they may have harbored about Dickinson students. The last couple times I went there was definitely one guy, a cook, who remembered who I was, and maybe two of the women. I would like to think that they remembered me because they appreciated our conversations and exchanges. My time there changed my mind significantly about disabilities, especially in light of the assumptions that we as citizens are fed via the media and the entertainment industry. "
