Mosaic of Experiences
Marissa Folk's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"As I met with some of the members there, and some of the people who run the company, I instantly felt overwhelmed. My biggest fear is that I am going to say something that might offend someone, or might not be correct terminology. In my case, I battle internally quite often with my disability. In one aspect, I have just learned to get over the fact that I have a disability; I have the attitude of “it could be worse, so just get over it.” In another point of view, I think “God, why me, why could not I just be physically normal.”
"I am hoping to find a deeper appreciation for the word “disability,” and I use the word appreciation, because these people truly are like anyone else. I think the stereotype that society has put on us has made any human being to disregard someone who is not “normal looking.” Also, I would love a chance for me to get to know some of the “members” life’s history and background. Finally, I definitely want to learn how to appreciate the small things in life..."
"As one can see, my initial fear was offending a member, and I was very overwhelmed right from the beginning. Also, before I volunteered, I wanted to grasp a deeper appreciation for the word "disability/disabled" and as you read excerpts from my follow service journals, you will see how that has come to pass"
Service-Learning Journals
"I was expecting to sit down with the director, Stephanie, and go over a few things, instead she was like “Hey, go and hang out.” I’m thinking to myself, “hangout?? Are you kidding me?” I don’t know these people, I have no clue what is wrong with them, and I have no idea what to say. But as I walked into the main lobby, I put a smile on my face, and just went up and introduced myself to many people; it was easier than I thought."
"I have often asked what is normal?, and even though I cannot explain what is normal I first looked at these individuals as “abnormalities.” I became frustrated with the way I was first thinking, but I could not help it. The social constructions that society has placed on us are obviously inside of me and our society’s view of what is normal and acceptable does linger in my mind. Then I began reflecting this experience to my own life; I hate it when people look at me as if I am abnormal, or not right, just because of a physical impairment I have! I can always prove my ability to be “normal,” through my actions and my conversation. However these people cannot; many of them are viewed as delinquents or stupid because some of them have no way of proving their intelligence due to the fact that many cannot put sentences together. I felt very saddened by this; I cannot even begin to imagine living my life like this."
"I guess, even though my second visit was not as eventful, there were times throughout the visit that I could relate back to Mary Douglas’s fifth strategy of incorporating the anamolous into the larger, mainstream world..."
"Ultimately, the point of this volunteer work, I believe is to bring out a side of these people that too often don’t get shown. I mean seriously, I would want to commit suicide if all I was able to do was sit on a couch for 8 hours out of a day and stare at the floor. And I feel that yes, in a way, the Steven’s Center is trying to make them feel like normal individuals by having them do housework, cook, and use a computer… but if you really think about it, there is a heaviness of depression that consumes that place – I feel like they are segregated into this room with no where to turn, like there is no light aat the end of their tunnel. I guess, in some aspects, its more of a segregation than an incorporation into the mainstream world."
"Also, the issue of having no one remember my name or where I was from actually caused me to feel even more awkward. I know inwardly that they truly cannot help it, but it honestly becomes frustrating at times! I just want to scream inside. I guess I should say that I grew up with a less than patient mom. I had to get things right the first time! So, in a way, our environment shapes who we are and I believe growing up in such a demanding environment, I too have adapted that same attitude. I have patience for some things in life, but for the most part, I just get irritated. Being able to talk with sTephanie, the director, was sort of an escape for me -- and to be brutally honest, it was escape for me because I was with someone who qualifies under the cultural standards of being normal. I know that these people are just like the rest of us, they just have different ways of coping with the stress that life throws at them. Howver, that feeling of uncomfort still lingers over me when I am there -- but who is to say that that feeling will ever go away?"
"Through talking with Stephanie, it made me think back to our class discussion of "The Disabled Figure in Literature," and our discussion on "The Gap between Representation and Reality." We talked a lot about cultural assumptions about these "type of individuals." Many of these individuals are looked at as crazy, violent, lazy, dirty, unkempt, and unimportant. These people are categorized with these words based on assumptions, not experiences. I think not enough people take the time to question ifvmaybe something went terribly wrong in the past that caused them to snap -- they just assume they are lazy because they don't hold the job of a CEO! These people are looked at as a spectacle for the world to gawk at. There is no political awareness that opens American's eyes towards cognitive disabilities, infact, the media does not help either - they simply either ignore the problem or over emphazise it in a negative way."
"The difference between representation and reality can be looked at in a since of our own lifes. Each of us, as a Dickinson student, has worked so hard to get where we are at in life. Our endless nights of studying in highschool, our time consuming extra cirricular activities, and our intelligence has led us to this college. However, once we are here, no matter what our background of living environment, the hard work no longer matters because now we are a rich snutty white kid who gets everything we want. Sometimes the stigma of being a Dickinson student is impaired also -- we are represented as individuals who cry when our nails break."
"This is the same type of problem the STeven's Center members are facing. Many of them receive no credit for who they are. Many hold a job, cook food, and are some of the nicest people anyone would encounter. But because they go to a "clinic" for the mentally impaired, they are easily represented as "crazy folks with no life." Also, the only difference between some of the members and the world's non-members is this: with the blink of an eye, any one of us can snap or go crazy, for the members, they went to a psychologist or psychiatrist to get prescribed a medicine. In going to those doctors, some people automatically put the stigma that they are crazy. However, we forget to recall the millions of Americans that go to their "family doctor" for when they have a moment in their life that cuases them to snap. The family doctor is looked at as something more normal, whereas if you would go to a psychiatrist, then you are crazy. Being represented by this stigma is far too common and unending. I believe the best way to bring forth the true reality is to take steps like all of us students are taking. Visiting these people, getting to know them, and volunteering our time here is a way to break this wall, or gap, between how these members are represented among society."
"In all honesty, this was the first time I felt comfortable there because we were actually doing an activity which incorporated everyone."
"I tried not to let any political, cultural or societal assumptions sway how I felt towards these people. It was a constant battle internally with trying to make them seem normal in my head, and then feeling like they are way out of place. I don’t know exactly what strategic essentialism is, but in context with this project, I believe my viewpoint changed to a more essentialist manner. I began to value their individuality more, and not grouping them as a collective whole in a negative way, but more in a sense of community. I saw how these people interact, and who’s to say whether or not having an Easter egg hunt be fun is wrong or not. I just hope that one day everyone can see these individuals as an essential part of a community and begin to validate them as a person, not construct what they should look like based off of a societal ideal."
Post-Service Reflections
"At the end of my personal experience with this learning project, I have come to accomplish my goal -- I have found a deeper appreciation for the word "disability." Disability has numerous faces, it comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes. I have learned that disability is not something everyone is just born with...I know even I related disability to birth due to a social stigma. I think everyone is born that way because I was, however I have come to realize that with some of these individuals, it was just one catastrophic event in their life that caused them to "snap." In listening to some of these member's life stories, I have come to be grateful for my Godly upbringing. Having my mother raise me all own her own has taught me to have more compassion for the "less fortunate." But, having her strong will, and having her enstill in my a love for Christ has helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life. When we had nothing left, or when I found out I was "sick," my faith in God brought me through it all, and I believe that is what truly saved my mom and/or I from mentally "snapping." I feel so bad for some of these people who feel so utterly worthless, and I could cry when I think of how they must feel inside. However, I have learned to love, value, and respect each and everyone of them. I have also come to realize that they break down the barriers of what normative cultural really is like because I think any normal person has gone through some horrific events in there lifetime; it is just a matter of how we choose to deal with it! I have learned that disability is just a term, thrown around by people who feel superior. These members are truly not disabled in my eyes, partly because they are taking every step possible to gain that empowerment back that was stripped away from them. They are not depending on anyone else for their survival -- they are doing it all on their own, and that takes courage, an attribute that many fail to have these days. Even though I was nervous and overwhelmed at times throughout the whole service project, by the end, I became very comfortable. Thank you so much for the opportunity to allow myself to grow as a "disabled individual." I truly have learned so much from this experience."
Danielle Goonan's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"I wasn’t surprised that I became very nervous as I walked into The Steven’s Group on Thursday. Mentally disabled adults have always made me uncomfortable, which is weird because I spent many summers working with mentally disabled children. Maybe it is because whether or not a child has a disability, they always need to be taken care of or helped. However, it is hard for one to fathom an adult who may not be able to “fully function” or need help taking care of themselves (I have a similar fear of nursing homes, maybe there’s a connection). I am extremely happy I will be doing my service at The Steven’s Group because this experience will hopefully help me overcome my fear."
Service-Learning Journals
"When I first entered the center I was nervous. I was unsure of how the members would react to our presence their and how I would react to the things they said and did. Surprisingly, once I introduced myself and started speaking to Dandy and Carol I began to feel more comfortable. I didn’t even realize it until after I left, but I was comfortable for most of my time there. The members really enjoyed our presence and I was happy to get to know them. When I first sat down to talk, I was doing it because I had to, however, after a little while it was something I wanted to be doing. I hope to get used to the fact that some of the members will say things that aren’t socially acceptable or will repeat the same thing many times. I feel that my goal of becoming comfortable around adults with disabilities will be accomplished by the time this service project is over. I also hope to continue doing service at The Steven’s Center for my Bonner hours. I really feel that this can make a difference in the Dickinson community because no one from Dickinson does regular service there (which I find very upsetting). I already spoke to Bonner, my community service organization, and the director the Office of Religious Life and Community Service. He wants to meet with Stephanie, the director, and hopefully add The Steven’s Group to our lists of partners. I would be very excited if my fellow students and I could be the beginning of a withstanding relationship with the group."
"I was comfortable the whole time I was at the center this week which I am very happy with. However, it was harder to deal with the residents. Peanut reminded me of a child that couldn’t sit through something they weren’t enjoying. Her constant interruptions were annoying everyone else in the room, especially Sandy and other members that joined our viewing later on in the afternoon. Instead of leaving the room, she stood in front of the TV. and spoke about other movies or blurted out random things (i.e. “Do you like my pink pants?”). I was getting frustrated trying to explain to her that everyone else was trying to watch the movie. I left the room thinking she just wanted to have someone to talk to, but she didn’t follow. So after a few minutes of walking around, I went back into the movie. I don’t want to blame everything the members do wrong on their disability because I feel that makes them seem “less” than they are, but in some cases, I can’t help to think that if she was society’s definition of “normal” she have done that. It’s hard to distinguish what is the right way to perceive them and their disability from the wrong way. Of maybe, we are not supposed to even do that. Maybe we are supposed to take people for what they are and do our best to adjust."
"I was really happy to be back at the Steven’s group. I had expressed my happiness to members of my service organizations and I am receiving emails with other students who would love to do service there which makes me very happy. I am really happy that the members remember my name and look forward to my visit each week. I was a little uneasy towards the end of my visit because Peanut was speaking with me about a male member she was not too fond of. When I tried to explain to her that he said the petition was only a joke, she became unhappy with me and asked me if I was taking his side. I tried to explain that I wasn’t but she just kept questioning my loyalty. I feel that the center is a place where I am also able to “let my hair down” and be myself because the members aren’t judging you. Peanut and I were dancing by ourselves in the front of the main room and no one found this strange. If I ever did something like this outside of the center people would think I had something wrong with me. I definitely feel less societal pressure while being at the center."
"I am really touched that the members enjoy the time I spend with them. It makes me feel really good that they remember my name and much of what we have talked about in the past even though I am only there once a week for two hours. I have grown very attached to the members and look forward to going to the center every week. I noticed that the members try hard to please the college students, which bothers me. Every time I play cards with Carol she thanks me several times; I always thank her for asking me to play. Also, whenever Peanut makes a comment that she believes upsets Everett or I (which never happens) she apologizes profusely. This may have to do with the fact that they rarely get visitors and are scared we might stop coming. Or maybe they have been so misunderstood in the past that they try hard to please others."
Post-Service Reflections
Alex Hallman's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
I was very apprehensive about going to work at the Stevens Center. I had a general sense of the disabilities the members there had but did not know to what extent and how each of the members dealt with their disabilites. Orientation did not ease any of my anxieties. Some of the members repeat themselves over and over, fixate on certain themes, or just expect you to have the same hobbies and interests as they do so certainly you won't mind of they keep up to the second on their projects. The hardest thing for me would be to not become frustrated. But then I found out that our primary purpose was to just spend time with them. Two hours per week for four weeks. I can do that. It's not something I would go out and do on my own, but that was the purpose of the service learning, get out and do some hands on things that you probably wouldn't normally do.
Service-Learning Journals
"The first visit was awkward, as were the other three. It's something I could never shake. It really made me thing about Italic textExtraordinary BodiesItalic text and how the abnormal body serves as a method for the normal body to define itself. I felt like the service learning was a way for us, or me in this case, to take time out and reflect on our lives, bodies, and experience. I don't think that was the point, but it made me think. I could have just as easily been one of them. But I'm not through no great actions on my own part. The first visit made me count my blessings."
"The next three vistis were pretty much repeats of the first. We would just hang out with however was there that day. One of the members, Peanut, asked if someone could bring a movie, so the three visits were pretty much us watching a movie. The awkwardness was still there, and I was thinking about how easily things could have been different. The more time I spent there, though, the more the place seemed like a daycare center. Members would wake up at their respective homes, go down to the Stevens Center when it opened at eight and go back home when it closed at three. That place serves as a care center. This, for me, reenforced the assumption I had of the members as children. I thought going in that they thought and acted like children. It doesn't have any meaning, but it was something I observed. So thats how we spent those visits, hanging out and watching movies. It wasn't void of effort, it's what happened."
Post-Service Reflections
"The whole experience was awkward. I never would have done anything like that on my own, and probably never will. It has taught me people with these disabilities are people and have their own assumptions about us. Proving assumptions about one another wrong, I think, was the best thing that came out of this service learning and the other service learning projects that have gone on at the Stevens Center. The experience did get me thinking about my own life and how I would feel if I were in their situation, disabled and a member at the Center. It would be nice to have a place to go to that would help break up the day, teach me some skills I could use in my own life, get a bite three days a week, and be among people that are going through what I am. But how would I feel when the college kids showed up? I, personally, would not like that. Chances are I would have been to countless doctors for innumberable appointments, poked and checked, and felt like I was a learning tool for some quack. Now my sancturay is being invaded and I am again made a freak put on display to help these kids feel better about themselves just like Garland-Thomson said. The service learning really made me think and put me in their shoes, if only for eight hours. I am more private person, and would not want my ailments on display for all to see, but for them they might not see it that way. They may just take it as an oppurtunity to interact with other people. If any does not like it, of course, they just don't come in that day. Overall, I think it was a somewhat positive experience. I don't think I had a life-alterating impact on anyone. I just hope they enjoyed themselves for the time I was there. It has taught me that there are agencies that are trying to help people with some problems. And that's a good thing. It's nice to see people show initiative and help their fellow man on their own, instead of waiting for someone else or the government to start an inefficient program or something. The Center is a better alternative to just locking these people up in a state hospital. They aren't dangerous, they just need a helping hand."
Eli Uhle's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
Service-Learning Journals
"When I first arrived and met the member who does maintenance, it was unclear to me whether or not he was a ‘non-disabled’ person like the supervisor, or a member of the organization. Conversation with him was completely fluid and comfortable. There was no mention of disabilities, other than his joking about some of his friends’. I found this to be true of the community the entire morning. When I would introduce myself, the other person was coherent and partook in conversation, making interaction reasonably easy, instead of awkward or forced. Some of the members introduced themselves; others seemed less interested in our presence. The people who did talk, however, were usually quite talkative, setting me at ease. There were certainly a few uneasy moments, conversation would stop and I wouldn’t know what to do. It’s also tricky because you’re not sure whether or not to ask them about their past, or present family/social/job situation. But during the monopoly game things felt fine. We could joke with the members about luck and money, sometimes even competitively. It was fun, and beneficial to see that these people with “disabilities” were in all honesty, not that different from us."
"However, while being alone certainly did not kill me, it was definitely a far more dynamic experience in terms of learning. This is not to say that the morning was a breeze. Now that I’ve been twice, I honestly think the most awkward parts are the arriving and the leaving. I was certainly scared when the members started arriving, worried about what to talk about, how it would go, etc. Not everyone remembers you, and so it plunges you back into feeling “out of place,” particularly as we now have to wear nametags. So there were certainly moments of the morning when I felt confused, or uncomfortable. The first people who came this morning, none of whom I knew, didn’t particularly seem interested in conversing with me. This forced me to cling to the artist who didn’t appear to mind my feeble attempts at inclusion, probably coming off as a stream of badgering and questioning. But the truly surprising thing was that mid-morning, or at least by the end, I was at ease. I wasn’t completely “at home” per se, but I wasn’t so extremely uncomfortable that I was consciously aware of it, or checking my watch every two minutes. It just became a conversation between myself and the others."
"For some reason, I felt really uncomfortable there this morning. I don’t know why exactly, for nothing really remarkable or disturbing happened. The whole atmosphere seemed different though. Everyone was really tired, people weren’t as talkative or outlandish as at other times. I suppose this community is not unlike any other group of people; the dynamics change each day. Anyways, there were a mixture of moments of ‘normalcy’ and awkwardness. The girl who was crocheting told Lauren and I that we should wake up the sleeping man (no sleeping allowed), because he wasn’t listening to her. Well, obviously I was not comfortable doing that, even if he was breaking the rules, I didn’t feel it was my place to enforce them. I also noticed that the senior woman who is usually in charge was not as together today as I’m used to seeing. This was a bit strange to watch."
"She said that the atmosphere at the center is actually really positive, as most of the folks who attend are already high functioning, which is why at certain times, I have no idea why some of the people are here because their “disabilities” do not define them. Which I guess is good because it means that us as students are helping dissipate their notions about Dickinson students (people actually wanted to talk this morning), and they are changing our minds about what it means to have a disability."
Post-Service Reflections
"I’m not sure to what extent, or even how I impacted the people at the Steven’s Center. It’s difficult to evaluate my contributions when recognition and feedback from the people I interacted with was minimal at times. First and foremost I hope that I helped changed some stereotypes they may have harbored about Dickinson students. The last couple times I went there was definitely one guy, a cook, who remembered who I was, and maybe two of the women. I would like to think that they remembered me because they appreciated our conversations and exchanges. My time there changed my mind significantly about disabilities, especially in light of the assumptions that we as citizens are fed via the media and the entertainment industry. "
Aimee Wiker's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"I don’t expect that this experience will be as extreme as my past ones working with the mentally ill have been, but I think it will still be one I will learn from. It will be interesting and different for me to interact with people whose condition is not bad enough to warrant they live in a mental hospital or institution, and not good enough for them to function on their own in society. I am impressed with what the Steven’s Group is trying to do, and hopefully by the end of this service learning assignment I will feel like I am contributing to the program’s overall goal of trying to get these people out and working on their own. The skills they teach at the center are very valuable and practical, and I could tell through visiting and sitting through the orientation that it is successful. I am very open to the idea and am really excited to get started and see what the experience will shape out to be. I am going in to the experience with a positive attitude and an open mind, and hopefully this combined with my past experience will help me to impact the Steven’s Group in a positive way."
Service-Learning Journals
"It was intimidating walking in to the Steven’s Center for the first time. I didn’t know how to act and I didn’t know what questions would be appropriate. Is it OK to ask about family, or is that just going to be a harsh reminder of what they had before they got sick? I tried to keep the questions general. I felt the need to reassure the people that they were normal, like it would be of comfort to them to know they were like me, the typical college student, in some way. The similarities we had; the favorite songs, aspirations to travel, and childhood pets reminded me that we really weren’t all that different from one another. When a member would ask why we were there, I felt bad mentioning that it was for an English class. Luckily none of them asked questions past that, so I was never left to awkwardly explain that we were studying disability and they were prime examples for us. I felt bad enough divulging that I had a selfish purpose in coming. It was funny though; the people seemed used to people giving them reasons for coming. Like it would be absurd to think that someone would come on their own accord."
"I still struggle some in knowing how much help to offer the members; I want to assist them when I can, but I don’t want to offend them and give them the impression that they are incapable of doing the most menial tasks on their own. For example, when I saw that the members were preparing lunch, I wanted to help. I think it is almost a natural thing when you go to someone else’s home for dinner, etc. to offer to assist them with the food preparation because it feels awkward to just sit there while they are slaving away in the kitchen. However, I refrained from offering assistance in this situation because I could tell that the members took so much pride in being able to cook a meal themselves. I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea about my confidence in their abilities, so I forced myself to just sit awkwardly and watch."
"I didn’t have much contact with the group members this week, but I still took a lot away from my time there. Talking with Stephanie was great; I was finally able to ask the questions that ran through my head each time I went to the Steven’s Group. We should have probably been interviewing Stephanie a lot sooner in our service learning experience, because after talking with her, I feel much more comfortable with what the mission is for these people. Some things about the program still don’t make sense to me, but that’s probably just my ignorance on the mentally ill shining through. I think I finally understand the fluid system of employing and working with people to push them towards greater independence."
"I had really mixed feelings about our “last trip”. I liked learning what the group was about, and four weeks was definitely enough time to understand the purpose of the Steven’s Center. However, building relationships and really feeling like you made a difference in someone’s life takes a little longer, so in many ways I felt like my service at the Steven’s Center was incomplete. Our volunteer time served its purpose for our class though; I do seem to have a better understanding of what it’s like to be disabled. Just being there, I got a sense of how hard it must be for these people to fight the stereotypes of what society assigns to the mentally ill."
Post-Service Reflections "I think my experiences at the Steven’s Group helped me to see mental disability in its most latent forms. When I first arrived at the center, I expected the most extreme cases of mental illness. Stephanie (the director of the Steven’s Group) informed us that most of the members of the center suffered from either depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and in some cases, multiple personality disorder. I had only ever come in contact with people who were extremely debilitated by these illnesses; so it was different for me to work with individuals who were able to cope effectively with their diseases. It’s hard to say that I was ‘exposed’ to the various impairments Stephanie told us about, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. The members of the Steven’s center are so lucky because they have found a place where they can not only learn how to cope with their illness, but also deal with the day to day struggles that define life."
Lauren Porter's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"My mind automatically attempted to categorize and label the types of behavior I was observing. I thought that maybe if I knew each individual’s condition I could better interact with them. At the Steven’s Group, I am going to move past my first instinct of being afraid to interact with the people and instead get to know them, allowing them to impact my life by teaching me about who they are. I am hoping to understand what their conditions mean to them personally and socially, and fit that into a larger framework of understanding what it is like to be a person living with a disability in America."
Service-Learning Journals
"There are a few people there who do not seem like they are struggling with any type of disability and others that, according to the terminology they use, are “low functioning.” I was not sure if members wanted to talk to me or if they wanted me to leave them alone. I am afraid that if I ask about their lives, they will get defensive. I afraid that if I don’t ask, they will think I am scared and uncomfortable. I am afraid that if I look at them they will think I am staring, and that if I don’t they will think I am trying to ignore them and that I feel uncomfortable. I am so worried about making them feel uncomfortable"
"We watched Terminator 3 and a lot of the interaction that was exchanged was about the movie. The man there who refers to himself as “the schitzophrenic” shared a heated letter with us that he was planning on sending to his psychiatrist. At least, I think he was talking about his psychiatrist. He was talking about how he was a victim of psychology and how psychology was bullshit. I felt comfortable because I watching TV with the members and talking, something I do with my friends and it is something that is easy to relate to. I found myself not wondering what their condition was this time and just enjoying their company and their banter about the movie we were watching. It felt 'normal.'"
"Peanut was upset that morning because of a Dentist appointment. She approached me and pulled me outside because she said she needed to talk to me about something. I followed her outside and she told me that kids had been prank calling her and that she didn’t go to her dentist appointment because she thought that kids had prank called her and made up the appointment to make a fool out of her. So, I told her I thought that she should call her dentist to see if she had an ap pointment, to which she replied, “No, that’s what they would want me to do. I’m not a fool. I’m not going to call.” It made me really sad to know that this distrust Peanut had about people did not spring from nothing. I knew that kids had probably prank called her before about other things and it broke my heart that she did not go to her dentist appointment for that reason."
"Stephanie talked of how she first got into this line of work in college when she landed an internship working with people who had mental disabilities, but whom were more low functioning than the ones at the Steven’s Group. She said she was terrified at first but now has a great passion and enjoyment for the work. She enjoys trying to help the members become more independent and get back on their feet again. This time I went to the Stevens Group, more people remembered me which made me feel more welcomed. I also felt good that they not only recognized me, but that they were happy to see me. Almost all of my discomfort and worries are gone by now. I enjoy talking to the members there and most of the conversations I have there are interesting and captivating. I talk to them just like I talk to my friends at Dickinson, but I still get sad sometimes to think about how much some of them have lost. Stephanie kept saying that for people with mental disabilities, the biggest thing is “loss.” A lot of the people there have lost family members and friends because they abandoned them or just didnt know how to deal with it. A lot of them lost their homes, their jobs, their cars, their self esteem…"
Post-Service Reflections
"I am not any more familiar with any of the disorders themselves, but I am familiar with the people living with them. I always got the feeling that they were anticipating for me to judge them and stigmatize them. I realized that I was worried about the same thing when I talked to them too. I was worried they were going to judge me before talking to me and just pass me off as just another student with a stigma attached to me. The first day I was there I also felt sympathy and guilt, but then after I talked to people I didn’t feel that way anymore. I have noticed that most of the authors we have read play on this tendency for the reader to create assumptions about the character with a disability and the plot itself. The characters with disabilities we have read are developed in such a manner where the reader feels naturally inclined to feel sympathy, guilt, and maybe even to ally ourselves with him or her. However, there is always a twist which plays on those emotions the author knows the reader is having."
Trevor Davis’s Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
“I think that personally I can bring skills that I learned from previous service experiences and from just my everyday life. Since I have lived nine and a half years of my life with a disabled sister, I have learned to be very patient with people who have disabilities. While my sister has physically disabilities, and the people at the Stevens group have mental disabilities, I feel as though I will still be able to present the same amount of patience that I have learned from living with my sister.”
Service-Learning Journals
“Right when I walked into the Stevens Group, I felt a little uneasy and nervous because I wasn’t sure of what to expect. I have had experience with children that have disabilities, but not with adults. With children it’s very easy because you can color or play games with them, but with adults I felt as though it would be different. So I sat down and talked to a few members about how their day went. But then after that, we just kind of sat around and hung out. That was when Peanut came and asked me to watch a movie with a couple of the members. I was glad to see Peanut because I knew she would say something to me. That was all I was really worried about, getting started. Then once we started the movie we talked during it a little to try and figure out what was going on. I felt relieved because it just seemed like going to the movies with friends. I didn’t consider the members to be any different than just regular people. This experience has really given me different expectations for what to expect next time I have interactions with adults with disabilities.”
“I don’t know why I assumed that Jack’s interests would be much different than mine. I think it’s that when you are in a different environment, with people that are thought to be “different” than myself, you make assumptions about them. The most important thing to remember when meeting people that may be different than you, is to not make assumptions because they are different. They are still people just like I am.”
“I had no trouble going into the Stevens center today. I felt completely comfortable walking in. Playing cards with Peanut and Brenda was interesting. Brenda didn’t really have any patience. For instance, when it was Peanut’s turn, she would always talk to me in between turns, and she would never realize when it was her turn because we were talking. Brenda would always quickly say, Peanut it’s your turn. Peanut on the other hand was just having fun, talking and playing. I had a really good time playing cards and talking with Brenda and Peanut. Peanut kept asking me about school and my classes and I explained to her that I was a computer science major. She said she didn’t know what science meant, so she asked me to explain what was involved in my major. When I was leaving, Peanut asked me to come back another time, and while I don’t have to go anymore for this class, I was still possibly considering going to hang out with Peanut.”
Post-Service Reflections
“The problems that the Stevens Center members face in “normative” society are numerous. I think that the main issue that is going to cause problems is trouble communicating and expressing thoughts. As a result of their disabilities, the members are labeled as “unstable” by normal society. “Normative” society places these stereotypes on people that have disabilities, and thus the members of the Stevens Center are restricted from getting jobs that they are perfectly capable of, just because they are suffering from a mental disability. The Stevens Center provides a base for the members to grow from. They can use their interactions to remember what it was like to be a part of the “normal” community, and get closer to living “normal” lives.”
Adam Seufert’s Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"When I was notified that I was oing to volunteer with the Stevens Group, the first thing I asked myself was,"I wonder what this agency does?" I expected to be confronted with an agency that deals with an agency that deals directly with people with various kinds of "disabilities." Before I called the supervisor of the Stevens Group, Stephanie Faron, I went through what my expectations were. Initially, I was very apprehensive about calling; I worried that I may say something offensive... I expected someone that experiences trouble with speech to answer the phone. I don't know why expected this, i just did. Perhaps it could be that people are judged by their ability to speak. Those who cannot speak fluidly are automatically thought to be cognitively impaired."
Service-Learning Journals
"Today was different than my other visits. I entered the Stevens Center and I was immediately hit by the smell of bacon. Turns out that the members were making lunch, BLT sandwiches and the whole lot. Lots of the people there seemed to be in a good spirits. I talked with the members who were cooking, they were genuinely enjoying cooking for everyone. Others in the Kitchen also seemed to be in a great mood also. Joan did not show up today but I did meet a man named Chris. Chris is really silent and tends to keep to himself, when I came into the kitchen he was sitting by himself at one of the tables. I went and sat down accross from him and tried to start up a conversation. Chris, it turns out, knows a little about everything it seems. When I asked him if he wanted to play pool, he looked up from the table and said “I’d rather watch a movie.” We got up from the table and started towards the movie room with Chris leading the way. Not more than a few steps into the short venture I was met by Peanut, the elderly woman who tends to take charge of things around the center. Every time i see Peanut she doesn’t seem to remember me, she always asks “Who are you? Have you been here before?” The first time I met her she was very vibrant and full of life, the sharpest I have ever seen her. As my visits have progressed, Peanut has been more withdrawn and aloof. After I briefly said hello to Peanut I went to the Movie room and sat down with Chris. Chris had not put in a movie yet, so he and I started talking about random things: the internet, cars, food, different types of jobs that I would apply to, etc. Unlike Joan, Chris never divulges any information about his personal life. After talking with Chris for about 45 minutes (which is surprising since I haven’t seen him speak that much) we took out the video Speed and started watching it. This is how I spent the rest of my visit, every now and then Chris and I would have a short talk, but nothing that lasted more than a minute. A younger member was sleeping on the coutch next to mine, I believe his name was Jake I’m not completely sure. Jake, has always been around the center each time I have visited, but he is always sleeping or very silent. I would have liked to have talked with him, but I didn’t want to wake him up for that purpose."
"I felt really comfortable walking into the Stevens Center today. It may have been the smell of food, or perhaps the friendly and happy atmosphere. When I speak with Peanut, I am concerned because she was presented as the member who knows what is going on around the Center. Lately, she has been wandering and muttering to herself. I saddens me to see such an energetic woman this state of mind. I wanted to try and talk to her, and see if there was something I could do to comfort her. I stopped myself from doing this, who am I to say that she needs my help? Perhaps she feels absolutely fine, or feels as if she is operating smoothly and I am mistaken. I have been trying to keep myself from assuming how the members are feeling at any particular time. Once I started talking with Chris today I was very happy that he was so responsive to me. Before when I would introduce myself to a member I would find myself thinking, “I wonder what mental condtion affects this person?” Now, the question never enters my mind. Talking to Chris was enjoyable, he seemed to be interested in everything I said, even if he didn’t quite understand what i was talking about. I was very interested in what he had to say, his knowledge about diesel engines surprised me; this led to an in depth conversation."
"Today I have not seen myself as a “normal” person among the members at the Stevens Center. Rather, the status of “normal” between the members and myself has completely disapeared. This could partially relate to the depiction of the Anomalous and the avoidence of them. I can truthfully say that my experiences at the begining of the Service learning project were governed by this avoidance. I have viewed the members as anomalous, and I did avoid them by separating myself from them in my mind. I had felt that I was in no way like any of the members, because if recognized that I was, I would see myself being afflicted with a mental condition. Now, however, I do not feel this way. I find similarities between myself and each of the members I come into contact with. For example, chris and I are a lot alike in the way we are interested in motors, and general tid-bits of information. The members are not the anomalous anymore, and I have no reason to separate myself from them."
Post-Service Reflections
"The first time I visited the Stevens Group I could tell that it was a center to help adults suffering from mental illnesses. My first actual contact with any person at the Stevens Group was a schizophrenic man. He didn’t seem to fulfill the stereotypically portrayed schizophrenic, a raving mad-person with a violent predisposition. He was quite sociable, calm, and well mannered completely opposite of the aforementioned view. There were other adults suffering from schizophrenia, plus there were a couple of other mental illnesses I could identify. Chronic clinical depression, and bi-polar disorder were the two other illnesses that were prevalent among the Stevens Group members. With these two mental illnesses there were also stereotypic views that I was aware of. For clinical depression: there is a common stereotype in which the person suffering from the illness is constantly suicidal, and has a morbid outlook on life. None of the members I met suffering from depression had a morbid outlook on life, and certainly did not seem suicidal. The only reason I knew these members were suffering from depression was that the voluntarily told me so. Persons with bi-polar are often viewed as out of control; a common assumption around bi-polar disorder is that people suffering from it will snap at any moment and become incredibly hostile or have multiple personalities and such. Again, much like the members with depression, the members with bi-polar disorder did not fulfill any of the stereotypical views. Additionally, and member that I knew to suffer from bi-polar, told me on a voluntary basis, so I’d like to think I would never have known if I had not been told."
Jess Wolfinger's Experience
Pre-Service Reflections
"Volunteering at the STAR center for the Stevens Group will be quite a challenge for me on both an intellectual as well as a psychological standpoint. The opportunity to work with mentally disable persons will prove to be q new experience. While I have had plenty of friends who have suffered lesser degrees of many of the illnesses that afflict the people I will be primarily interacting with, I would hope to use this experience to increase my understanding of the afflictions as swell as become more comfortable in varying situations"
Service Learning Journals
"Upon entering the center, I was unsure of what to expect. Hoping to get more instruction from Stephanie, I was slightly unnerved. Grabbing the cards was admittedly a reflex to keep myself from feeling too awkward. Upon talking to Carolyn I felt much more at ease. As much as Stephanie had informed us at orientation that the members were generally eager to meet people, I felt like an outsider who was being inspected. I became more at ease as I spent more time with the members. I felt myself realizing how much I had underestimated the members."
"Entering the center this time I was less nervous because I was more familiar with my surroundings and the goings on at the center. I was happy to see some familiar faces as well as glad to meet new people....I was very relieved that some of the members remembered me and that there was more of a welcoming atmosphere this time compared with the first visit. More members were in the center this time also which made things easier and less strained."
"I feel very very comfortable just walking into the STAR center and talking with the members. Everyone is very friendly and willing to talk. Every time I spend some time to talk to the members, I learn a bit more about each of their individual personalities. I did not feel at all awkward this visit, which was a more personal goal for me. I also find tha t the members share a lot of interests and hobbies with me. This experiene is teaching me a lot about myself as well as about my view of others."
"Upon the completion of my final visit to the Stevens Center, I can honestly say that my opinions and views have changed. I realized that I did use a lot of stereotyping when considering the mentally disabled. Through my time at the center I became more and more at ease holding conversations with the members and just being comfortable around them."
Post-Service Reflections
"I do not believe that my time spent at the center helped me to understand any of the details on the disabilities any better than a very base knowledge, however. The most profound discovery I had while working with the members was simply the diversity that exists between the members of the Stevens Center, and how a mental breakdown is a nondiscriminatory problem with many different symptoms and side effects."
